I know I’m full of holes

I am tired and sad and sleep deprived and tired and they’re all totally different things even if I’m using words with the same meaning over and over again. Jetlag has been a real bitch to me this time around and I feel like I’ll never have a proper night’s sleep again and I should just take comfort in naps now, whenever I can. It’s beautiful and hot and constantly windy and I drove through the city with mum yesterday and it was so small it made my heart hurt. I wanted to get some photos printed last week and for some reason it’s taking them 10 days to do it for me and I just…I don’t know. I’m tired and sad and everything’s slow and I don’t want to think about any of this.

Don’t care if I’m lonely,
Cause it feels like home.
I won’t ever be holy,
Thank God I’m full of holes.

Full of holes.

Music: Holy – Frightened Rabbit

C’est la vie

Buzzfeed asked what city I should live in, and I couldn’t resist finding out.


You are an artist, a philosopher, a daydreamer. Your friends have told you before you seem to have been born in the wrong era, and they’re right. You want to live a life of passion and vigor, filled with good wine, great coffee, and world-class food. Bon voyage, you belong in Paris!

Music: Runaways – The Killers

A song of pain and suffering

Recently I’ve been experiencing some A Song of Fire and Ice withdrawal and rather than re-read the books (a tough ask), I decided to re-watch the show. I’ve seen the first season of Game of Thrones twice already, but not since I’ve read the books. I only did that in 2012 while my friend and I were backpacking around Europe. Many a fellow traveller narrowly avoided death by novel as I valiantly resisted the urge to hurl the tomes of despair across train carriages. Why is something so painful and soul destroying to read so hard to put down? Funny ol’ thing innit, masochism.

Anyway, I just watched the first episode of season 1, aptly titled ‘Winter Is Coming’. Oh god, you have no idea, someone please just make different life choices this time! Please! Robb, just kill Joffrey now. We can be happy. Let’s be happy? Whyyyyyyy can’t we be happy? *gross sobbing*

Ahem. Sorry. I just. Seeing the Starks all together and happy, healthy and whole is painful. And Jon and Robb all fresh-faced and unmarred by grief! And Bran walking! And Arya not being lost! And Sansa…oh wait, no, she’s just sulking.

I noticed a couple of interesting things while watching though that I didn’t really pick up on before. Like the scene where they find the direwolves.

Now I think in the book they talk about the symbolism of it being a stag, sigil of House Baratheon, that killed the direwolf, implying the danger that lies ahead if Ned accepts the position of Hand. But look at Theon! He so quickly obeys the order to kill the wolf pups. Doesn’t pause, doesn’t flinch, just goes straight for it. FORESHADOWING! Little shit. And then there’s Jon, thinking clearly, being sensible. Commanding, one might even say.

Also, “better a quick death”? Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. I refuse to believe that all the Starks are doomed. REFUSE. I am sticking my fingers in my ears and humming loudly. Denial is my only friend.

I love the direwolves though. It’s such a clever element to the story, the way the Stark children’s lives are just interwoven with the fates of their wolves. I hold out hope that as long as the wolves survive, they do. Which is why I’m particularly sad about Robb and Grey Wind. Woe.

Another thing that I’ve been thinking about a lot (sadly) since reading the books is Lyanna and Rhaegar. Robert is so emotional when he visits Lyanna’s tomb, insisting that she was meant for him and all that – but is that actually what Lyanna wanted? I mean, Robert is pretty forceful. He basically just told Ned that Sansa was going to marry Joffrey, didn’t seem like there was much room for discussion there. Robert is firm and resolute in his decisions. The little tidbits of info that you pick up in the books make it sound like Rhaegar genuinely cared for Lyanna, it’s not outside the realm of possibility that she cared for him surely.

But I fear we will never find out. We’ve all been sucked into this unfinished epic and we’re going to be held in suspense until the end of time. So many unanswered questions, that is the true tragedy of all this…

…not really. The actual true tragedy is how many characters we’ve gotten attached to only to watch them die. SIGH.

from Kotaku

Every death in the series helpfully marked. This is why we can’t have nice things! (via Kotaku)

Yup, way too invested in the lives of fictional characters.

Music: Old, old fashioned – Frightened Rabbit